Invisible Injury, Invisible Pain

I've heard the term be used so many times about hip dysplasia. It's an "invisible injury". It's something that can't be seen by strangers. I am walking unassisted now but I still think about my hip with every step I take. The "VIP" treatment is gone. I finally "fit in" with the rest of society. I have been waiting for that for so long. However, as soon as I didn't need the cane anymore there was this idea that I was healed. That my hip was magically fixed and I could go about my life like nothing happened. That is not the case. I still have a long way to go in recovery. My left hip is still a lot weaker than my right. I'm in the point of recovery where I wish I was done. I noticed the whole process has affected many things in my life. It's like there is a part of my brain that is always focused on my hip and I don't have room to focus on anything else completely. I read a fellow hip blog the other day. He was two years out from his FAI surgery. He still favored his hip and said that it never really will be what it used to. When I first decided to have this surgery, I thought it was so great that this could be fixed and it would be like I have a new hip. Thinking that I wouldn't have to favor it anymore and I could live the rest of my life not worrying about it. After my last appointment with my surgeon, I realized this was not the case. He explained to me that I do not have a normal hip. I never will have a normal hip. I always have to think about that and try and take care of it the best I can. This was an eye opener for me. I didn't realize how much I was in denial about the hip dysplasia. I thought this surgery would erase it. It would be that magic fix I was waiting for. Coming to the realization that I would have to think about it the rest of my life was stressful, but now that I acknowledge that I know that I can deal with it.

Today I was walking in between classes and passed a person in the hall because I was walking faster than them. It made me feel so good that I was able to do this again. I wanted to look back and say that they walk slower than a girl that had a major hip surgery a few months ago! But I didn't. I am so happy on how much I have progressed over the past few months. I am happy that I am able to walk to class without everyone wondering why a 21 year old girl is using a cane. I'm glad that I don't have to explain to everyone in my class why I have the cane. However, I will admit it was nice having that support of everyone around me knowing the pain I was in. I'm glad to say that I do not have any more pain deep in my joint. Occasionally, I do get pain in random places but I can deal with that.

I have just been taking one day at a time. I am in an intense semester with some of the hardest classes I have ever taken and am in the point of recovery where I don't really know what is going to happen next. I just need to take a deep breathe and wait for this part to pass, because I know that after it's over, I am going to be in such a better place.