Disability, deformity, problem? I call it an OPPORTUNITY!

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what to consider my hip. A disability? A handicap? A deformity? A problem? All these don't seem right but they're hard not to think about.

DISABILITY/HANDICAP:
The first terms that comes to mind are disability and handicap. I have a disability/handicap pass. To be honest, I don't feel like I have a disability. Obviously during recovery I am going to have some disability. Using crutches makes it hard to do anything. Also, I've noticed people think just because I can't put weight on one leg I can't do anything for myself. Like I not only can't use my arms but also can't use my brain! It's frustrating. I also get self-conscious about using a wheelchair. I now have my own wheelchair (since most stores unfortunately do not provide them to their customers). I feel like because I have my own, more people look at me in a "disabled" way. You know, the "what's wrong with her?" kind of look. Or, even worse, the sympathy look. I do enjoy the "VIP" treatment from people helping open doors, offers to carry things, or helping me up and down stairs but I can't wait until I can blend in with the rest of society.

DEFORMITY:
Physically speaking, yes, I guess you can consider my hip dysplasia being a "deformity". My hip was not formed correctly at birth, thus it is a deformity. However, I hate thinking of it this way. The word deformity has such a negative connotation to it. You think of someone being deformed as being really ugly. I will be honest though, it crosses my mind every once and awhile. I feel broken at times. I know that no one is perfect but I feel that this just shows the imperfection more. Most of the time I try to ignore this part of hip dysplasia as it is hard to think about.

A PROBLEM:
This word may not be the first word that pops in my mind like disability but it is the most frequent. Going through this entire process has shown me the problems with many different things, not just my hip.  

1. Problem #1: It has shown me the problem with handicap accessible public areas and stores. You don't realize how difficult things can be until you have a wheelchair, crutches, and no hands available to do things. Store aisles are too small for wheelchairs, doors don't have buttons to open them, restrooms have papertowels/hand dryers/soap not easily accessed, and most stores don't even provide wheelchairs to their customers. For me, this is a short lived experience and thank god! I would hate having to deal with this stuff for more than a year. I feel so much sympathy for the people that deal with these problems their entire lives.  
2. Problem #2: The organization of hospitals. It is amazing how disorganized the healthcare community is. I am going into healthcare and have been dealing with this a long time but being on the client side of healthcare is completely different from the employee side. I am so glad I had this experience to show me what the patient is really going through. I never knew how little different departments talk. One says one thing, the other says the opposite! What is the patient suppose to think? No wonder people hate doctors. The constant hospital bills in the mail doesn't help either. Even though my insurance/ financial assistance pays for most of my bills they still send me one before the insurance even processes it. I am still getting bills for last year...
3. Problem #3 and most important: My hip. I have to be so careful right now. My bone is healing and I can't do anything wrong right now or I could seriously mess it up. I worry about sleeping on it wrong, slipping while crutching around, stepping on it without thinking, etc. The pain and discomfort also is not pleasant of course. I have actually gotten to the point where the pain isn't what bothers me most, its all the stuff I can't do on it. I know I shouldn't think about it but I can't help it at times. I can't drive, walk, run, bike, swim, play....the list goes on and on. I am proud of where I am in recovery and I feel very confident that I am doing better than they thought I would. However, I can't wait to start getting back to normal. I see someone run by in my apartment complex and I just think to myself how much I really want to get out there and join them!

But what it all comes down to is that the good in the situation out weighs the bad! There is no disability in the fact that I am learning and having experiences that no one in my OT field will have. The ones that are disabled are the ones without this type of experience.  Also, I may have had a "deformity" in my hip since birth, but I have accomplished so much on that hip. I have been on cross country, swim team, swing danced, walked around the entire city of New York and Chicago (with a cyst), trained for a marathon (on a stress fracture and multiple cysts), and I plan to do so much more! And as for calling it a problem...I call it an OPPORTUNITY! An opportunity to learn, to experience, to educate others, and to grow. One of my favorite quotes (as seen in the photo above) is that "Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." I feel like this is such a good quote for my situation.