Don't tell me I can't!

I decided to post my goals for after surgery. I wanted to be able to look back and see how far I've come....

Goal #1
I found out about my hip dysplasia when I got a stress fracture in my hip after training for a marathon last year. That dream of running my first marathon hasn't gone away. One day I want to be able to cross the finish line and think back to everything that I have gone through. I am going to have so much motivation to finish. 26.2 miles seems like such a little task compared to PAO surgery.

Goal #2
Become a tri-athlete! I love long distance running and swimming. Why wouldn't I want to complete a triathlon?! Plus, I most likely will be able to do this before I can run a full marathon!

Goal #3
Get back in shape! Since I have so much trouble walking I have really gotten out of shape. I have been trying to swim when I can, but it is hard to get to the pool. I want to be able to do the little things I used to like parking far away to get more exercise or choosing to use the stairs instead of the elevator. Such simple things but right now impossible to do.

Goal #4
I want to get a tattoo to cover up/go around my giant PAO scar. I have a couple picked out but who knows what I'll end up getting. I wanted to get a tattoo after surgery in order to help make it more exciting and take away some of the stress.

Goal #5
I know this is an obvious one, but I want to finally be able to not think about my hip. I have to think of it every second of every day because of the pain. I can't wait until I can go an entire day without thinking of my hip once! 



I know these goals are very far away right now. However, I don't want to forget about them. I am striving to complete all these goals! It's what is keeping me going.

(15 days until surgery)

Getting Closer...

As the surgery date gets closer and closer I keep trying to think of everything that needs to get done before it. Oil change in my car, clean my room, make sure all laundry is clean, clean the sheets on my extra bed (in case someone has to stay over), clean the bird cage, etc. I just hope I do everything I need to before I can't anymore. I've been cleaning all day today to prepare.


The days of ignoring the surgery are over. I can't help but think about it! I have finals coming up in my classes and I just can't pay attention. I've been trying to study to give myself an excuse to sit down and rest my hip. But even then I can't completely pay attention. I guess that is just the way it is going to be. I have never had any kind of surgery before other than getting my wisdom teeth out. Even then they used laughing gas instead of anesthesia. I have no idea how my body is going to react to the anesthesia or all the drugs I'm going to be on. I keep imagining the feeling I'm going to have when I wake up right after surgery. Honestly, I can't wait until that moment. I will know that it is just going to be up from there. The worst is over. I am so excited for it to be over.

But until then....prepare, prepare, prepare!

Blood Donation #1

This morning I had my first blood donation! Surgery is getting closer!
Unfortunately, I did not have the easiest time giving blood. The nurse (lets call her Nurse A) took 40 minutes to do the simplest of tasks like answer 5 health questions and fill out stickers for my samples. I should have known that this was going to be interesting.
I'll tell you all the "No No's" of taking someone's blood that Nurse A did not understand:
1. Wash your hands/change gloves after you wipe your nose with a disgusting used tissue from your pocket!
2. .... Or when you touch a garbage bag!
3. If you can't find someone's vein don't push in further and further and move it around until they bruise!
4. If you don't know what you are doing, act like you do! Don't frantically ask for other peoples help and then when no one comes to help say its fine you can do it... (yeah that made me feel good!)
5. Use basic knowledge of sanitizing/ cleanliness practices known by everyone!

A little over half way through the procedure, another nurse took over. Thank god! She was much better and seemed to know what she was doing. Unfortunately, I still almost passed out at the end. I lost all my color, couldn't think straight, and felt really light-headed. A different nurse got me an ice pack and helped me get back to normal. A procedure that I was told takes about 7-8 minutes took me around 20 minutes because of Nurse A. Right now I can barely move my arm (4 hours after the procedure) because of the pain. I think from the first nurse poking and moving the needle around so much, my arm is going to bruise like crazy!
I wrote a complaint to my chapter of the Red Cross about nurse A's cleanliness. I hope she is better with people in the future!

Why me?

You know that feeling of being completely submerged in water with only your nostrils above able to get air? The feeling of all sounds being blended together. All colors and images smudged. You can feel pressure on your chest when you breathe. Flickers of light pass by your eyes. You can feel the top layer of water like it was a layer of jell-o. Take a moment and just image yourself in that position. No way to get out of the water further than that. You just have to stay there, breathing little by little, hoping that no water sneaks in your nostril. Can you put yourself being stuck there? If you can, you know how I am feeling right now.
No control over the situation, questions as to why and how I got there, questions as to how to get out.
Right now, there are so many questions. Questions with all the wrong answers.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, why me? Why should I have to deal with such a life altering situation? Why should I have to deal with pain constantly? Why can't I run anymore? Dance anymore? Walk anymore? Why is it difficult to do minor things like walk to the kitchen? Why should I be worrying about my hip every second of every day? Why me?

However, there have been times where I can see "why me?" Why am I able to fight through the pain and still have a good time with friends? Why am I able to keep a positive attitude even though I am going through so much? Why do I put everyone else's problems before my own? Why can I still put a smile on my face even though with each step I should be wincing? Why is it possible for me to get through this? So why me? Because I am strong enough to deal with this head on! I am strong enough to be able to deal with the pains and struggles. I believe its "why me?" because I know that I can do this!

So if you ever get yourself into a state of mind where you think you can't handle it. Stop and think for a minute. Why me? But don't answer that question with a negative like it usually is. Answer with all the positives that you can think of. All your strengths. Because this is the only true answer of Why me?

One month to go.....

I just read a fellow "hip sister's" blog. She is now running 1/2 marathons a few years after her PAO surgery. This is really an inspiration. I aspire to be able to complete a marathon and after my diagnosis with hip dysplasia I never thought that I would get to. I was told by one of the surgeons that I would never get to! However, this girls blog shows me that there is a chance that I can. I realize that these races will be far in the future and I am going to have to start small. But just the idea that it is possible gives me so much hope.

My surgery is exactly one month from today. I have an appointment scheduled on Monday to give my first blood donation to the Red Cross. I have never given that much blood before and I must say I am kinda nervous. I know that giving blood marks that the surgery is close. And, yes, that freaks me out! I have heard such positive things off of other hip blogs and I can't wait to be writing those myself. I wish I didn't have to wait another month and could be already done with surgery and in recovery. I know the closer it gets, the less sleep I'm going to get. I already toss and turn at night from the discomfort of my hip. 30 days to go and I'm ready now!

Precious: My closest fellow Hip Chick

There has been one fellow Hip Chick that has been there, right beside me throughout the years. Her name is Precious. Precious is a 14 year old Yorkshire Terrier. She has been by my side her entire life. She too has hip dysplasia. When she was young, no one would have known. But just as mine had progressed to the point where I couldn't ignore it anymore, so has hers. I know this sounds ridiculous to compare yourself to a dog, but Precious is something special.

She was saved from a puppy mill where she was so ill she would have died. Our family nursed her back to health and her stomach has been controlling of her decisions ever since (she loves food!). Precious has started to show her age the past few years. Especially when it comes to her hips. She has a lot of trouble walking, standing, sitting, pretty much anything except laying down. But she's a trooper! I look to her for inspiration when I feel down in the dumps about my hip dysplasia. Precious always seems to just deal with it and get to where she needs to go even though it may take her a little bit longer than the others. She has fallen down steps (luckily not hurt at all!), had bad illnesses, and loss her companion, Chewy. But even though she has gone through so much, she still gives me a smile when I walk in the door. She comforts me when I am feeling down and is always there to make sure I give her a treat when she deserves one.

There has always been something special about my relationship with Precious. Something that I haven't had with any other animal that I have owned. And now I know what it is. We are both Hip Chicks. We both look at the positive in a situation and just work through the tough stuff because we know that there will be a positive reward at the end (for Precious, a treat!). She inspires me and I absolutely love her for it. Precious is the best Hip Chick that I have ever met.

Playing the Waiting Game

I have around 40 days until surgery and I can't wait! Even though I am extremely nervous about the whole thing, I just can't wait to get it over with and be done with dealing with this!!! Right now I'm playing the waiting game. I have good days and bad days. Most lately are bad. I don't know if it is just nerves or I am doing to much on my hip. I tend to clean, shop, etc. when I'm nervous.

I am extremely lucky to have family and friends that are so supportive throughout this entire thing. They are all SO supportive that there are times where I have turn them away. I have had to not let them go to a doctors appointment with me or tell them that someone else is handling it because so many of them offered to help. I really appreciate everyone around me. I think that is what is getting me through all this. Most of the time I can ignore how much pain I am in and enjoy what I am doing, however, there are times where it really gets in the way. That is when I am able to turn to the people around me for support.
I know everyone is not as lucky to have such a supportive surrounding. What I also have found extremely supportive is if you join a support group online such as Hip Chicks (http://hipchicksunite.ning.com/). Here you can talk to everyone on the website that has gone through or is going through the same thing as you.  You can get advice and share advice. The entire website is wonderful and has helped me tremendously.

As the date draws closer and closer, I get more and more nervous. Soon I will start giving my own blood to the red cross to save for my surgery (4 units!!!). When that starts, I know that everything will become very real. Right now it seems so distant and unreal. I am excited for recovery and to be able to learn so much from this experience. I am going into Occupational Therapy and I know this is really going to help me become a better therapist in the future.

My best advice to anyone else going through this, is to stay positive and make sure you have support. This is something that you can't do alone and there are so many resources out there to help.